Monday, 31 March 2008
As long as you are around, I will love no one else !Labels: Nothing has change
11:00:00 pm
Saturday, 29 March 2008
Well, its been 3 months. 3 months its been following me. taunting me with various problems. Could have well been a psychological problem. I don know. I've swallow loads of medicine. Perhaps the doctor will provide me with something stronger the next time i visit him. This bloody cough is just getting out of hand. But somehow when i do sports, it doesn't get in my way other than when i stop. Thats when i cough hard. Though i had asthma before, my dad has been nagging that he is afraid that it'll come back. Well i know of his concern. But somehow i feel that this cough isn't something that can be cured easily. Perhaps it'll take a long period. For how long i don know. Another thing is that my BRACEs are finally coming off. After 3 years. they are COMING off. Well, guess my braces lasted longer than our relationship. Didn't expect that do happen. I don know where when wrong. I don know what made me so stubborn. Perhaps cause i still really really love you, i do still care, its not that i'm not showing it. It's simply hard to do so. Thinking of you day and night is like having dinner and breakfast. I can't live without it. Its hard not to think.Labels: Looking at reality
10:24:00 pm
Friday, 28 March 2008
Hey, Hi, Hello. How are you doing ? Sincerely hope you are doing really well. Seeing you mug late into the night everyday, really hurts me. Do take care of your health, nothing is more important than health, without it, you can't sit for exams no matter how hard you've studied for it. I don know if you still has that feeling, don know if you'll still listen. But PLEASE do take care of your health. Drink plenty of water. Eat well , and don constantly worry about your weight. Cause you ain't FAT ! Especially when the exams are coming already, don keep worrying bout studies. Don stress out, do some other things sometimes. I wouldn't wanna you to break down. Though i know you'll have lots of friends there to support you. But just wanna let you know, if you do, i'll be there for you. Doubt it'll be physically supporting, but mentally. Thats the least i can do. We don even meet, its been 3 whole months. We don even talk more than 5 lines, no smses. So i don really know whats going on. But don be afraid to come to me. IF we really can't be lovers, i don mind as being friends, but not how you are treating me. At least chat up once awhile or even meet up when possible. I still miss you every night, think of you everyday. Loving you from the bottom of my heart. i'm being stubborn but thats just me.Labels: Looking at reality
11:14:00 pm
Tuesday, 25 March 2008
i guess you having no time for me is an Understatement.
If you really had no time, you would not have the time to meet up with all your friends and besties, let alone have time to head to mjc to 'watch' football matches..Guess I totally meant nothing to you after all we've been through from the way you are behaving and the suggestion of breaking up. I still can't get over the fact that friends are of much more important. If its best friends i can understand. But look at the number of times you can go out. Come to think of it, were those times when we were together, you said you can't go out are real ? To think i really cherished you, even knowing that the odds are against us. The varies times that things don go our way, i never complained, i trust you. I've told you before we started the relationship, the most important thing in a relationship is Trust. how can i not feel the way i felt, when everything is laid infront of me. Are these simply facts ? or are they all fabricated to make me feel this way ? In the end, i hate myself for loving you still. caring you. i don know how i don know why, but its simply this way. For you it still goes on.
I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
Cuz you're my, you're my, my true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
Cuz I'm here for you
Please don't walk away,
Please tell me you'll stay, stay
Labels: Shattered and hurt
11:29:00 pm
Monday, 24 March 2008
Walking slowly down the aisle, feeling all lonely and down. Thinking of the past makes me wonder how long will this last ? Hoping someday you'll come back, thinking of no one else but me.Can't you give me another chance ? Missing everyone but me. Why do i bother thinking of it. Why bother being jealous. when everything seems to be piecing together in front of me, telling me that everything has come to an end. Tell me the truth. Did you break up with me cause you really got no time ? or cause feelings died off ? friends are important ? more important than a lover ? If we've been arguing and fighting, breaking up over that matter i wouldn't be like this. Knowing that love cannot work out why force. But now, fighting are never, argument are of fun never over serious matters, in fact we don even argue much. Only you argue with squid.
Its deep from my heart, as i miss you more and more each day. As the days passes by, my thought of you gets frequent. Everything, from the 1st time we watched 'take the lead' walking from mrt to your aunt's place, having you stuffed all the crispy fries into my mouth and only taking the soft ones. Till the christmas party at squid's place. When i felt as though if life ends there. i'll be the happiest man on earth, having you there with me. The touch of your hand, those unforgettable HUGS.
-love was never lost. puppy love ? no way !
Labels: lingers
11:24:00 pm
Saturday, 22 March 2008
Another day has come and passed. Time waits for no men. I''m like a ship stuck in the middle of a vast ocean, lost without navigation. Unsure of certain things. I've already made certain mistakes. I don wanna make them again. Things aren't looking the same as they use to be. At this point of time, i guess i'm jealous or too sensitive. Confused by my feelings with the truth. Cause my feelings for you are still burning, like the lava flowing in any active volcano. On the other hand, i don want you to have to worry bout this relationship, studies will always come 1st. Since you already mentioned you wanted a recess. No point in me pushing you for an answer. You wanted to sort out your feelings, your thoughts and everything else that comes in the way. Mine has been sorted. You are my one and only, nothing can change that ! Golden opportunities are hard to come by, so is the girl of my dream. Somehow, i feel you are the one. I can't find any reason not to love you. Funny ain't it ? the way god wants this to happen.-flowing down babylon river
Labels: Nothing has change, nothing will
11:02:00 pm
Its not always how i would like it to be placed across. But somehow, sometime it happens that way. Emotion isn't something easy for me to control. I don think it would be any easier for any other people at times like this. Keeping within me isn't something i would prefer, but letting others in might lead to all sorts of different ways of solving. But neither will work out fine. Placing here MIGHT seem as good as letting the whole world in on it. But sometimes people would understand and not question it any further. Words are never right if placed wrongly. The intention would have been totally different. People would have all sorts of perspective.
I never intended to stress you out. Never wanting to trouble you with a relationship problem. JC life is tough, the amount of pressure you are on is driving you crazy already. I don see the need to give more problems at this point of time. I wouldn't want to see you break down. It hurts me as well. I believe time work wonders. We'll eventually get back together (would we ?). Regardless, i feel as though we aren't the same. I mean in terms of still remaining as friends. We never chat on msn anymore. sms zero. If really our relationship wouldn't work out, i don wanna lose a friend. But it could have been the amount of projects and homework that are mounting up. You really don have time to talk to any other people other than your project partners and friends about school work. I guess unconditional love is not about being together, but showing that i care bout you most. Most importantly that you are happy. Do you know every weekday i have the urge of going to your school wait till you finish so we could take a slow walk back to your home ever since you started JC ? But during that time we somehow have different timings of timetable and my exams were coming.
-Sorry. Action speaks louder than words. right now its only words, i'll make action happen when you are ready.
Labels: Unconditional Love
12:10:00 am
Thursday, 20 March 2008
When a boy meets a girl, later both of them falls in love with one another. A relationship, it started off as strangers, later become friends. Starts to share joy and woes, trouble and sorrow. Begins to become best of friends. No sooner they become lovers. Starts goin out, missing each other when they don see each other often. miss their voice, touch... Soon one of them will start to get bored with the other, can't figure that this relationship will workout. Finds excuse to break up..
Thats what i think you are doing right now. You are already bored of me. Took me as a toy. A chew toy when you were growing your tooth. Now simply pushing me aside, outgrown this chew toy. NEVER thought of my feelings. simply wanted a break up. ONLY thinking about yourself. For the better of YOU. toying with me, having me sank so deep and now just simply saying you don have the time and wants to break up. Now i'm having so much trouble getting over you. brooding about it everyday and night. Can't just forget about you or bout us. Some nights i'll have trouble sleeping. Heart will ache every now and than.. Though i do not have dreams about you or anything of us. But i'll somehow wake up having the ache in my heart. I've got to say i won't bleed no more, as there isn't any blood left within.
-Come back to me.
Labels: Good things coming to an end
11:41:00 pm
Air supply- without you* No I can't forget this evening or your face as you were leaving
But I guess that's just the way the story goes
You always smile but in your eyes your sorrow shows yes it shows
No I can't forget tomorrow when I think of all my sorrows
When I had you there but then I let you go
And now it's only fair that I should let you know, what you should know
** I can't live if living is without you
I can't live I can't give anymore
I can't live if living is without you
I can't give I can't give anymore
(Repeat * & ** till fade)
Labels: sorting out life
8:07:00 pm
Wednesday, 19 March 2008
2 months 2 weeks to be exact. Thats how long my cough has been following me. visited a doctor, but somehow it didn't manage to cure. Recently visited my family doctor who happily shifted to toa payoh still manage to get some pills. Hopefully this time round it'll help cure my cough. Well on the down side. Doctor has complained that the cough was not exactly 'young', he gave me 2 different sorts of antibiotics which is so huge. (picture not pictured to scale) followed by the "blue pill" which is for my block nose. Last but not least the cough medicine. I'm not a huge fan of swallowing pills.. so those antibiotics are really huge to me. i would rather take the most bitter medicine there is, than swallow pills.
You aren't ignoring me cause you afraid you will wanna get back together right ? i'm just being egoistic. But can you at least stop ignoring me ? can't we just continue being friends like we use to ? Okay, i'll get over the fact that we aren't meant to be together. But, PLEASE PLEASE.. at least talk to me. chat me up like we are old friends. Like how we use to before we even got into a relationship. What is the point of being the sweetest guy ever. But being ignored down right isn't exactly a great feeling. Have you stopped and thought in my shoes ? I know jc life is real tough, who cares if you have time for me ? i just wanna be there for you. Knowing that you are doing okay, simply wanting to lend you that hearing ear. I miss you voice. i really do. and its driving me crazy. And your hug.. *sigh* baby, i miss you. i want nothing badly BUT you !
Labels: Shattered and hurt
11:14:00 pm
I'm already nothing to you huh ? Nothing worth remembering, nothing worth thinking. Nothing of any sort. I'm basically out of your life. I've become invisible. Simply vanished from your life. I can't believe, those days spent. Those hours... You not being there, i thought it was okay, after all, your parents are strict. They don really allow you go out. I could live with that. All those times when you said you missed me. Were they ever true ? Sometimes when you do get to go out, you go out with your friends. i never complained cause i know you still need your friends just as much. Us SPENDING lesser time than normal couples do.. I thought we'll still be going strong. I guess all about you, i was WRONG! I guess all about us was just a fraud.. nothing but a show, simply like a drama series which has reached its ending ! Simply has no meaning to it. Perhaps its like another sad story, which ending ended on the wrong foot. We shouldn't have even started ? Right ? perhaps we'll be better off back then. than what is happening between us now. Time, place and everything else has made a fool of us ? or should i simply say ME. -Bruised and batter by your words, Dazed and shattered now it HURTS
Labels: Shattered
12:44:00 am
Saturday, 15 March 2008
Memories - something remembered from the past; a recollection.Why does it hurt when i look back into those memories ? The part of which everything happened where and when it shouldn't. The journey was beautiful; the ending; a dead silence. Not a word, not a way of recollection.
Being loved and lost is better than not being loved at all is good ? I rather not fall in love and be friends like we used to. Than now, the dead cold silence. I rather we never fall in love and remain as good friends through out our life. Having a friend would mean better than losing her forever, even if it meant not being lovers. Friends are here to keep, lovers are like friends, but they meant more, by being that special someone. One is willing to share all their joys and woes together in all sorts of condition and forever giving that unconditional love. Its that special touch of magic that does wonders. The touch of your lips was phenomenal. That magic could never be described by words. It was a gift from god, giving us lips. I'll never forget the first kiss. The look on your face, and most importantly the 3 words that made a whole lot of difference. i don know how we end up like this. Tell me, give me a sign...
Labels: recollection of the past hurts. period..
11:33:00 pm
Tuesday, 11 March 2008
I'll be sitting here waiting. Even if the odds are against me. I never liked gambling. But this time i'll gamble, and i'm gonna gamble big. The chances of winning is as much as the chance of finding a needle in a haystack.
The past, is nothing but the past. The present, is nothing but the present. The future, is how you want it to be. Mesmerize by the past, Captivated by the present, endowing the future. My future... will be different without you. Talking about the past never helps. Talking bout the present doesn't work. Planning for the future, however, would make a whole lot of difference. I wish we'll get back together. No matter what has happen. Lets just forget it, have a completely new and fresh start. Wishing isn't gonna back the thing happen. So i hope you'll play apart. Just show me signs. I'll make those moves. Moves that will bring us back together. You've gotta know i'm still that shy boy you knew back than. I never changed. But I'm willing to take that chance and make the move. i'll be different but its still the same old "brand new" me. It'll never be the same as before. i promise. Remember you wish what to happen in the rain ? We'll make that happen. Your parents, we'll talk them through. Your school work ? we'll see them through together. If ever someone hurts you, they'll get it big time from me. You are precious to me.
-Love lost, love found. Only thee knows the answer.Labels: determination
11:28:00 pm
Have you ever read my blog ? Do you know how i feel bout you ? Is this the way you are treating me after all we've been through ? All i'm asking for is just a lunch session with you. Is it that hard ? Am i not worthy than your friends ? Are you finding me a nuisance ? I don wanna pressure you, i never did ! I remember clearly you wrote to me saying that our relationship although wasn't the same as normal couples, but we are matured and steadfast enough to keep this relationship going. That it will remain strong. It never mattered to me that we don meet as often. cause i know deep down in your heart, i'm still there! Thats why i don mind. Do you remember what you wrote in chinese on my birthday card ? i never told you this, but i'm tell you now. It caused me to have tears in my eyes that day and every time i read it. I don know why that happens, somehow it just did. Yet all this happened ? December seemed okay( the party and everything), january wasn't as bad. February was when everything just collapsed. I thought after your Os, we'll get back together even stronger. But seems like i'm wrong. i don know what caused such a dramatic change in you. Shouldn't the pressure make you wanna have someone to lean on ? Instead of breaking up ? Is it that your friends are doing so, giving you all the sense of security, making you feel that i'm not needed anymore. I've asked myself if there was anything i've done wrong in anyway. Perhaps i'm just too stupid to realized. But don't i deserve a second chance ? Is it the guilt of not being able to be there for me and all the disappointment you gave me, the reasons for breaking up ? You don have to. i never complained. i'm willing, the unconditional love. if you think its unfair not being able to be there for me! you are being more unfair right now. breaking up with me.
Have you watched World Trade Center the movie ? i did. It made me realize how short life could be. that you could be there this moment and gone the next. Just with a snap of the finger. it will happen so fast that i'll have no time to react. That is when reality hit me square on the face. Making me realize how important you were to me and i wanna be by you side no matter what the problem is, and we'll face it together. I LOVE YOU really much. Seriously speaking, i never knew i loved you that much until the day you wanted the recess. You are a part of me already. You can say i'm being all emotional, but its how i really feel about you. Nothing is important to me now; than you. You can tell me to concentrate on my studies. Yes i will. BUT my mind can do that, my heart can't. Do you really have no feelings for me already ? Is somethings still not right ? Is it totally over ? Or is it another guy ?? However i believe you won't break up with me over another guy. You won't do such a thing to me. Or have you already done so ? Through and through, you are my one and only !! I'll be sitting on that fence waiting for you to come back. I'm just a fool, perhaps, wanting for your love.
-never will another gal like you come by
Labels: Shattered
12:43:00 am
Saturday, 8 March 2008
There are lots of things i wanna ask, i wanna say. but somehow its holding back. But i think this song depicts most of what i wanna say. Though it does not mean literally, but it really reflects the point put across. So if you are reading...
Hugh Grant- Don write me off.
It’s never been easy for me
To find words to go along, with a melody
But this time there’s actually something, on my mind
So please forgive these few brief awkward lines
Since I’ve met you, my whole life has changed
It’s not just my furniture, you’ve rearranged
I was living in the past, but somehow you’ve brought me back
And I haven’t felt like this since before Frankie said relax
And while I know, based on my track record
I might not seem like the safest bet
All I’m asking you, is don’t write me off, just yet
For years I’ve been telling myself, the same old story
That I’m happy to live off my so called, former glories
But you’ve given me a reason, to take another chance
Now I need you, despite the fact, that you’ve killed all my plants
And though I know, I’ve already blown more chances
Than anyone should ever get
All I’m asking you, is don’t write me off, just yet
Don’t write me off just yet
-was it meant to be or was it to be ?
Labels: Shattered
10:10:00 pm
Friday, 7 March 2008
I think kirby is right about a guy and girl relationship.Guy - love ogling at girls, loves to size up another girl with their own girlfriend, tends to "fall in love" with another gal. BUT in the end if something or nothing happens, we still love our own girlfriend very very much.
Girl- love the guy deeply, seldom or never looks at another guy affectionately, but when things happen between both of them, the next day, the girl will seem as though nothing has happened. As if the guy wasn't part of her life. It seems someone has press the alt-ctrl-del button and erase all the memory.
I am not sure if i'm the one you are waiting for, or simply you have fallen for another guy. I wanna know, know if its another guy. at least i know he'll make you happy, and treat you 10 times better than i did. Of course i'll be damned sad, but its for the better. at least one is happy better than both being sad. No matter what, as long as you are happy, i'll be happy for you. People always say, its not being together that is what makes both happy, but allowing your love one to be happy.
Labels: thoughts
10:08:00 pm
Wednesday, 5 March 2008
i've been trying. i've been ignoring. i've tried ways and means. Somehow you are still there in my mind. I'm not sure if i'm still in yours. Those words, those sentences expressed. It seems as though i never existed. As if i was never part of your life. As though we never got together, like our relationship was just a game. A game where there isn't even a 'save' button. I really wish we could be back like we use to. I don mind if its all the way back where we used to be just best friends. Where i'm your confidant, someone for your to share your burden and pain. I rather it be that way than what i'm experiencing right now. Its really quiet, my life has been really, really quiet since you left. There's no one left for me to share my joy and my pain. There is no one; like before to share my problems. No one to comfort me like your used to. The love that has been showered. Can't we have another go at it ? I don wanna push you, i don wanna give your pressure. i know how hard it is to keep up with all the school work. All i'm asking is... give me a sign, a chance, an opportunity, show me hope. That we can still go on. I'll wait no matter how. Golden chances don just come knocking on my door. You told me not to let go of any golden opportunity. Here i am not letting it go. Not letting YOU go. YOU are that GOLDEN opportunity.
-Rainbows after the rain are bullshit, where's my rainbow ?
Labels: Shattered
10:07:00 pm
