regardless of all obstacles, i hope; we can overcome it together.
9:25:00 pm
Sunday, 21 June 2009
Birthday, spent. Fathers' day, spent. To all fathers, happy fathers day.
I really miss you. i didn't wanted to say it out, but somehow i guess it will make me feel alittle better not bottling everything up.
For the past few weeks, i've had dreams. Not just normal ones, dreams where you existed in. Dreams where we were together. Dreams that we lasted even through the toughest times. But i guess they are nothing but dreams... I hope they were reality, i really hoped. Perhaps i've missed you till i've gone crazy. If you asked what the dreams were, i can't really tell you. cause all i know or all that i ever remember was waking up and having you 'fresh' in my mind.
If i could want anything for my birthday was to get back with you and stay that way, or even trade anything away to be with you. I would ! This isn't the type of relationship where you call it puppy love or even a cheap fling. We do love each other that much. Unless i've been deluding myself.
All i can say, life's been sucking without you !!
please please, don leave me....
11:50:00 pm
Javier, finally 20. The big TWO. more sensible, more knowledgeable, more mature, more stubborn in things that he believes in, more firm in what he thinks is right.
Can't believe I'm finally 20. Never thought that i will be celebrating my birthday without you again. I thought last year was bad enough. Couldn't believe that this year was worse. I was being very positive when we last met up that we'll last even longer this time round. Knowing the pain that we've gone through, that both of us are meant to be.
Been thinking of how i could spend the following few months together before we officially announce to people that we are back together. I didn't even think in the long run. All I thought was everything till christmas. Though not the full images just the general ideas, but only till christmas; I swear i didn't think anything further than that. I thought of having a birthday party, a small one, just like the one we had last christmas. Never did i expect that we didn't even last through april.
I know shit happened, i wasn't there for you. Someone else did, he became the better man. What you told me was you never dumped me just because we didn't officially get together. But both, you and i know that we are 'as a matter of fact' already together and don tell me I'm presuming cause it thats the case, its been one-sided love all the while. I'm sure even your close friends could tell (at least tara and best friend could). Even mine friends could. I'm not sure if you actually loved me deep enough, that in this sort of situation when shit happened, i couldn't be there for you to give you the support you needed knowing to the fact that i didn't know a single thing till the day you said it was over between us. When the ordeal is over, you couldn't be mine just because i wasn't there for you. I couldn't say i know what went through your mind, what gave you the courage to tell your best 'guy' friend everything(no wait, even bits and pieces will do) and not me nor your best 'girl' friend. That situation and our love is two different incidents, but you chose to link as one. cause that guy was there for you and he actually like you. You chose to like back because you wanted everyone to be happy and nobody be upset.
Try as hard as you like to like that guy. Deep down inside you know that there's still a place in your heart thats mine. Please don let your mind rule your heart, it didn't do you any good last year. don let it happen again this year. I may sound desperate for you. But its all coming from deep in my heart. I've not let go. I'm stubborn, we both are.
P.S. I Love You.
12:00:00 am
Wednesday, 10 June 2009
I did a lot, I know you say I've got to get away. "The world is not yours for the taking" Is all you ever say. I know I'm not the best for you, But promise that you'll stay. 'Cause if I watch you go, You'll see me wasting, you'll see me wasting away
'Cause today, you walked out of my life 'Cause today, your words felt like a knife I'm not living this life.
Goodbyes are meant for lonely people standing in the rain And no matter where I go it's always pouring all the same. These streets are filled with memories Both good for detected pain And all I wanna do is love you But I'm the only one to blame.
'Cause today, you walked out of my life 'Cause today, your words felt like a knife I'm not living this life.
But what do I know, if you're leaving All you did was stop the bleeding. But these scars will stay forever, These scars will stay forever And these words have no meaning If we cannot find the feeling That we held on to together Try your hardest to remember
Stay with me, Or watch me bleed, I need you just to breathe.
'Cause today, you walked out of my life (stay with me, or watch me bleed) 'Cause today, your words felt like a knife (i need you just to breathe.) I'm not living this life.
12:33:00 am
Sunday, 7 June 2009
I'm feeling like i don't know you you tell me that you love me then you cut me down and i need you like a heartbeat but you know you got a mean streak makes me run for cover when you're around and here's to you and your temper yes, i remember what you said last night and i know that you see what you're doing to me tell me why..
But I'm still here, But it hasn't been easy, I'm sure that you had your reasons, I'm scared for this emotion, For years I've been holding it down,
And I, Love to forgive and forget, So I, Try to put all this behind us, Just, Know that my arms are wide open, The older I get, the more that I know.
10:01:00 pm
Friday, 5 June 2009
11:37:00 pm
Monday, 1 June 2009
Whenever I'm down, or barely could breath. I think of you. Somehow the thought of you simply brings me out of hell. You were the reason i look forward to the next day. A reason to believe that miracles do exist. Somehow i feel very happy when I'm with you. Not simply happiness from joy. But the happiness to know that we belong. That we were meant to be. When i'm upset you were there to show me the meaning of joy, when I'm frustrated you were there to teach me how to look at things differently. When I'm happy, you were there to share. You were my pillar of strength and joy and everything. Yes i might be exaggerating. But this isn't bullshit.
I guess i was never your pillar of strength and hope or even joy. Cause you never did look for this pillar when you were down. You never did. I'm not saying you didn't want to. But you couldn't. Instead you looked for your best friend. Shouldn't i be your confidant instead ? The guy who shares your joys and endures your pain along with you ? Guess someone else did that for me instead. The guy who happened to be at the right place at the right time. While i'm like a stupid humpy dumpy sitting still on the fence waiting to know what is going on with you. Afraid to make a move, afraid that one wrong move might be the last move ever.
say I'm desperate, say i'm dumb, say i'm just a stupid guy hoping with no returns.
Please come back.
10:31:00 pm
About me
Hi all ! Its me, jAve. My full name is Javier lee shun kiat, im 22 this year
Im a really happy go lucky guy. People have told me,
Im just pretty much good-average looking, i studied in Temasek secondary.
Ive got some loving friends,
here are some : Tong ann, Squid, lexter, ivan chan.
Ive got many more friends, its just too many to be included but if ur really interested we could be frens. I use
to play softball in school for my CCA, and Basketball as leisure with ma pals. i wouldn't mind havin lots more new friends. So feel free to add me!
Check them out at my friendster, im also on Msn messenger. Heres my email, lee_javier@hotmail.com!
Special thanks-ivan who helped editing.
Sweet thoughts
Will you still love me in the morning ?
I'm lost without you.
WANTs & NEEDs
be with YOU!!! i'm serious
To treat you right
$$$
holiday
Shoe
Rayban Shades
Slippers (red)
Mandarin collar shirt Bag
New Belt
BMW 6 series Maybach Exelero
Road bike A new wallet
