Javier, finally 20. The big TWO. more sensible, more knowledgeable, more mature, more stubborn in things that he believes in, more firm in what he thinks is right. Can't believe I'm finally 20. Never thought that i will be celebrating my birthday without you again. I thought last year was bad enough. Couldn't believe that this year was worse. I was being very positive when we last met up that we'll last even longer this time round. Knowing the pain that we've gone through, that both of us are meant to be.
Been thinking of how i could spend the following few months together before we officially announce to people that we are back together. I didn't even think in the long run. All I thought was everything till christmas. Though not the full images just the general ideas, but only till christmas; I swear i didn't think anything further than that. I thought of having a birthday party, a small one, just like the one we had last christmas. Never did i expect that we didn't even last through april.
I know shit happened, i wasn't there for you. Someone else did, he became the better man. What you told me was you never dumped me just because we didn't officially get together. But both, you and i know that we are 'as a matter of fact' already together and don tell me I'm presuming cause it thats the case, its been one-sided love all the while. I'm sure even your close friends could tell (at least tara and best friend could). Even mine friends could. I'm not sure if you actually loved me deep enough, that in this sort of situation when shit happened, i couldn't be there for you to give you the support you needed knowing to the fact that i didn't know a single thing till the day you said it was over between us. When the ordeal is over, you couldn't be mine just because i wasn't there for you. I couldn't say i know what went through your mind, what gave you the courage to tell your best 'guy' friend everything(no wait, even bits and pieces will do) and not me nor your best 'girl' friend. That situation and our love is two different incidents, but you chose to link as one. cause that guy was there for you and he actually like you. You chose to like back because you wanted everyone to be happy and nobody be upset.
Try as hard as you like to like that guy. Deep down inside you know that there's still a place in your heart thats mine. Please don let your mind rule your heart, it didn't do you any good last year. don let it happen again this year. I may sound desperate for you. But its all coming from deep in my heart. I've not let go. I'm stubborn, we both are.
P.S. I Love You.
